The October Project 20 Years Later: October 17th, 2009...and an ending.

The day in this update is very significant to my life over the last 20 years:

This is the day I was able to photograph by beloved cat Watson for the first time. I had originally wanted to share my story of the 18th, 2020, which was the day I decided to stop drinking. I'm proud to say I made it to 5 years on October 18th, 2025. I had a wonderful day of solo adventure and reflection. I thought about the progress I've made since not only that day five years ago, but from when I started this project in 2005. Since I've always been very open about my mental health, it's not going to come as a surprise when I say that trying to do this retrospective has been difficult. It's brought up good and bad memories. Subconsciously, I think it's the bad memories that have made me so lackluster for this endeavor. Going through years of photos of pets and people who have passed away, mixed with snapshots of unbelievable experiences and normal days, tangled with ex lovers and friends (and an ex husband.) It's a lot.

Hell, that's why I stopped in the first place, after 2020. Because I was finally able to admit it was a lot and not have too much guilt for stepping away.

Guilt is a funny thing. Often times, I announce something prematurely, before I know the impact it will have on my ability to create, finding myself locked into something I dread. Then I spend a fair amount of what could be creative productive time, agonizing in the guilt of letting people down by not doing what I said I would do, getting nothing done. Maybe you've experienced these feelings in your own way.

Perhaps someday, I'll make a coffee table book of my favorite pictures from the October Project, but for now, it needs to rest until I am ready to pay it the tribute my heart knows it deserves. One when I'm not doing something just to say I did it. Don't consider that an announcement. Consider it a secret dream I've shared with you, Zeeborverse.

I did create this final piece before I decided to ultimately just bow out on this retrospective and put what October energy I do have left, into something that I think will be fun for Halloween. However, this is a good place to wrap this up. I found myself quite emotional making it (another clue as to why it is good for me to stop.) As previously mentioned, this was the day when I was first able to photograph my soul cat-friend, Watson and it kinda turned into a tribute to one of the best cats I have ever had the privilege of being a guardian.

Until we meet again in another October Project, here's October 17th, 2009.